i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
