wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
