Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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