your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
