Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
