If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
