I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
