Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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