Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
