Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
