the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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