she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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