it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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