you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
