Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The air was thick with penises
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
