i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
