all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
