my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
