She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
