if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
