Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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