Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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