at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
