I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
