He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
