this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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