if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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