this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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