You smell like a Billy Joel song
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
