only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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