She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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