my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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