We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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