the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
