I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
