TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are two peas in an std pod
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
