She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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