what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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