let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
