uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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