My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
