you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
