dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
