not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
