don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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