Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
