Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
