I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
