omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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