By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
