i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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