He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
