I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
