as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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