the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
