You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
